Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"Now that's one big pile of sh**."--Jurassic Park


So, I’m a big movie fan, as I’m sure I’ve made blatantly clear time and time again in a majority of my posts.  Believe it or not, there are some movies that I’ve seen that I absolutely can’t stand…..they were awful.  It takes a lot for me to say that I can’t stand a movie, so I thought I would take you all on a journey through the list of movies I find wretched.  It should be a fun ride!



Sleepaway Camp


I love older horror/slasher movies.  I have a large DVD collection of movies that fit into this genre.  However, with that being said, this movie IS NOT GOOD!  It is about these teens that go to summer camp.  There is this girl that is always being made fun of and mocked by a lot of the teens at the camp.  These mysterious murders start happening, and at the end you find out it was this “girl,” but that’s not all you find out.  There is a big…I guess it was supposed to be a shocker….the “girl” is actually a boy, who was dressed like a girl, and brought up like a girl by her crazy-ass aunt.  How do you find this out?  This kid is standing naked holding a knife, so you get to see it all in all its glory.  Yeah.  I would tell you all to go rent this one to see for yourself, but it’s not worth it.



Twitch of the Death Nerve


It has been awhile since I’ve seen this movie.  Based on the title, I’m sure you can tell that this is another old slasher film.  I remember thinking this one was absolutely ridiculous due to the amount of boob shown throughout the film.  Really?  I know these movies are known for that, but this one was out of control.  Don’t see it.



Demons


Do you see a trend yet?  Do you notice that, so far, these movies are coming from the same genre?  Yeah…blame my ex-boyfriend for that.  Anyway, this one was a train wreck.  At one point, a helicopter crashes through some glass…and believe me when I say it comes out of NOWHERE.  I don’t think it had anything to do with the storyline at all…awesome.



Troll 2


Ah, the touching tale of the city dwelling family that swaps homes with another family from Nilbog.  It stars Joshua, a young boy that talks to his dead Grandpa about goblins…and you can imagine the terror when this boy discovers that they are currently living in Nilbog, which is Goblin spelled backwards.  The only way to defeat these creatures is by eating a double-decker bologna sandwich.  Need I say more?  It may be one of the worst movies I’ve seen, but I still think it’s worth a viewing.  It’ll definitely make you laugh…especially the hot, sexy popcorn scene….I’m being sarcastic….but really, it will make you laugh.



Feeders 1 and 2


These movies feature aliens that look like pipe cleaners, and the second movie stars a laser gun wielding Santa Clause.  I don’t think I need to go into any more detail….



Nukie


This glorious film is about two alien brothers separated on Earth.  While in Africa, Nukie obtains the help of a talking chimpanzee and two brothers to find his brother Miko.  There is also a techno dance scene with a random character.  The entire movie makes no sense, and the alien Nukie has snot running out of his “nose” for a majority of his on-screen appearance.  Cinema at its best for sure!





Con Air


This movie may be entertaining (meaning, I laugh at how ridiculous it is), but it’s not good.  I like Nicolas Cage as much as the next guy, but he did not pull off his “bad-ass” character persona Cameron Poe.  Not. At. All.   Plus, the storyline is illogical. And really, they crash the plane on the Vegas strip???  I just didn’t dig it.  I refuse to watch it when it’s on TV.  Sorry Jessie, I think I remember a post of yours awhile back about this movie and how much you liked it….I guess we just don’t see eye to eye on this one. J



Brothers


This is a fairly recent flick…less than a few years old.  Me and Darren, and my brother and Kinzey went to see this.  We should have known what we had gotten ourselves into when the theater was empty except for the four of us.  This is movie is B to the O to the R to the I to the N to the G….BORING!  Tobey McGuire did a decent job as the nutty soldier, but it was still blah. 



Batman and Robin


This movie is just plain awful.  Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze was absurd; Uma Thurman got on my nerves (what was with that big lug of a guy that she had with her during the whole movie??); and Alicia Silverstone as Bat Girl?  Win?  No no, epic fail!  Not to mention I really disliked Robin in these movies, and I didn’t like George Clooney as Batman.



Burlesque


I actually really wanted to see this when I saw a preview for it.  I’m glad I waited until I saw it for free on Starz.  This movie really didn’t have a storyline, and the storyline it did have has been done so many other times.  The acting was terrible…I just didn’t like this one at all.  

I'm sure there are a few more, but these are the ones that came to my mind first.  Watch at your own risk! ;)

Thanks for reading, and have a good night!

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