Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Why?


So, I'm participating in the 10 Week Challenge, hosted by Jess over at Operation Skinny Jeans.  We have mini-challenges each week, in addition to whatever we're doing on our own (exercising, clean-eating, etc).  This week's mini-challenge is finding our inspiration.  Why am I doing this?  What motivates me?  Did I have any sort of  "aha" moment?

First off, let me start by saying that, yes, I do have my motivation and my inspiration for this: my family.  I want to be able to run around with my son, exercise with Darren, and overall, be a happier and healthier version of myself.

However....

I feel a little lost at the moment.  I know that my motivation and inspiration for this is super important.  Hell, those two boys are my everything.  But, I feel like something is missing.  I mean, I know it's great I'm doing this, but, in all honesty, I'm not giving it my all.  I'm doing the clean-eating thing, somewhat, and I'm trying to be more active, kind-of.  Because of the 'somewhat' and 'kind-of' mentality I have going on, I think I am cutting myself short.  I'm not seeing the results I would like to.  I'm not where I want to be.  I feel like a disappointment to my boys, even though I know they'll love me regardless of what size I am.

Where can I find my own motivation?  Doing this for them is one thing, but, doing it for myself is something completely different.  Maybe I'm not looking deep enough....who knows.

You know, as I sit here, typing all of this out, alone with just my thoughts, it really hit me.  I don't have to prove anything to anyone else.  I just need to prove to myself that I can do it.  I think I worry too much about what other people are doing, or what they may think of me.  I compare myself to others, and I shouldn't.  It's stupid....it really is.  I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else.  The only person you should compare yourself to is, well, yourself...if that makes any sort of sense.

Well folks, I think I just had my "aha" moment.  It doesn't matter how fast I lose the weight, or even how much I lose.  As long as I am proud of myself,  that's all that matters. 

I think it's finally time to bust my ass....for me. :-)  It's time for me to do what I KNOW I am capable of.  It's time for me to start believing in myself.  Enough of me just talking about it, it's time for me to f'ing do it!

Now, my friends, I am pumped.  Whoop whoop!

3 comments:

Tamara said...

I know, for me personally, being able to be a better mother for my daughter was one of my initial motivators..but it eventually faded and like you said, I had to dig deeper.

I kept doing it because I used the blog world to hold me accountable, but what puts me where I'm at now is that I was able to find small moments of pride for me.

Example: I used to not be able to step off our back porch without being winded (it's like a foot drop); and I definitely had to take the long way around and couldn't step up on it. One day, I stepped off walked to the fence (picking up a stranded toy) and when I walked back it hit me - I WASN'T WINDED.

I've only shared that story with my husband and it took me nearly 6 months to do that because I was embarrassed that it used to wind me.

You can find motivation, you can, I promise. Just keep looking, it's out there. And in the meantime, we're all here cheering you on.

Kaitlyn's Life and Blogs said...

I agree with Tamera!! Find those little things. And they help make the journey somewhat easier. Know that I'm here for you if you need anything. :)

Jarrin :: Raquel :: Rocky said...

hey. just wanted to encourage you! :-] i don't know what/how you are changing your eating habits, but i started doing weight watchers online about a month ago. i've lost 11.4 pounds and feel great. i'm still continuing, and hoping to lose quite a bit more. we'll see ;-] but if you'd be interested in doing weight watchers, i'd love to kind of tag team it with you. i absolutely LOVE the program.

keep on keeping on girl! :-] good luck!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...